When the Riverdogs announced they were holding auditions for people to sing the national anthem, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I would like to give it a try.
Sing the national anthem at a professional sports event, I imagine that a lot of people have that on their list of things they’ve always wanted to do. It was certainly on mine. Although I don’t always agree with the government, I am proud to be an American. Because of that great pride, every time I hear someone sing the national anthem, I get a little teary-eyed. There is just something about that song that fills me with emotion. It reminds me of all the people who, throughout the years, have fought to defend our freedom.
So we took a trip to the Joe Riley ballpark. The auditions were held on a Tuesday afternoon sunny and about 74 degrees.
Confidently, I walked into the stands, signed in and took a seat to watch the 30 or so people ahead of me take their turn before the judges. Surely, with all the singing I do I should be able to knock it out of the park. I even practiced it once or twice earlier that day and it sounded great.
I sat there and watched as one by one the hopefuls got up and gave it a try. The Lowcountry seems to have a lot of good singers. Most of the people trying had good voices. The level of experience went from one brave young guy who had never sang in public before to people who clearly had a great deal of training and practice. Tyler Boone, from the local band Red House, was there with his guitar and amp to do a Jimi Hendrix style version as well as Harmonica Guy with his harmonica/horn.
After every 90 second audition, everyone clapped and cheered loudly. I noticed that some people were changing key mid way through the song. I imagined that was due to lack of experience.
Well, that wasn’t going to be a problem for me.
When they called my name, I walked out onto the field. I smiled and winked at the three judges as I picked up the microphone. I stood up straight, threw my shoulders back and let it fly. “Oh say can you see…( I’m doin’ great, I thought)…by the dawn’s early light…(I was having visions of Old Glory flapping in the breeze)…what so proudly we hailed (man, I’m nailing this!)…”
In that split second between “twilights last gleaming” and “and the rockets red glare” I found out why people had been changing key. The Star-Spangled Banner is a hard song to sing. It is usually performed a capella which means without accompaniment  It has a range of 12 notes. If you don’t start it off in the right key, you are going to find yourself in trouble when you get to the high notes. Like I did.
That was also the time that it dawned on me that the judges were sitting there waiting to see if I was going to hit the two or three notes in the song that make or break the performance. “And the rockets red glare” came out like some squawking noise a large bird would make. I fumbled my way through the rest of the song. The crowd clapped and cheered as I walked off the field, red faced and embarrassed. To make it even worse, a reporter from Live 5 News grabbed me for an interview.
When I got home that night from the Lowcountry Blues Club Jam, the local news was coming on. “You’re on TV!” ,my girlfriend exclaimed. As I watched, I wondered who was that old fat dude murdering the mational anthem?  He looked like some guy in his late 40s, overweight, unshaven and he could of at least tucked in his shirt. Then as the reporter interviewed him, I realized it was me.
I’m still waiting to hear from the people at the ballpark. I’m sure they’re busy down there - or maybe they lost my email address….
Contact Stu by e-mail at Sjohnson@allnightkungfu.com.
Read more columns at www.moultrienews.com.)