Hotter than Hannah... 50 shades of red

  • Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Who was Hannah? In all probability Hannah, a southern euphemism, was a harlot whose reputation is used precariously in the south to describe an extremely warm day. She was one hot tamale, that's who she was. "Bless Pat it's warm out there" could describe early June in Charleston. I think Pat was the good girl. "Hotter than Hell" is the typical innuendo to describe the low country July heat, so if you hear it's "Hotter Than Hannah” you can bet your sweet bippy it's a scorcher. The higher the mercury rises, the more sultry the language.
Now factor in 50 Shades Of Gray and Magic Mike and lawd, you have turned up the heat index another 10 degrees. I believe, and it's just me now, that the marketers of these two female driven summer releases would have served better purpose to release in the winter.
I'll pass on Magic Mike and Shades of Grey for that matter. Nothing against either one. I like to think some things are just better left to imagination. I'll just sit on my back patio with a glass of wine and turn 50 shades of red.
I was talking to a friend who was reading 50 Shades, she told me that some of our mother's "Romance" novels were hotter than 50 Shades.
Which brings me to the true story of my mother in law. God bless her soul. She had every single romance novel that hit the shelves, the minute they were released. Her Magic Mike was Victor on "The Young And The Restless",she taped every episode she couldn't watch, her eureka moment was when she realized she would never have to miss another episode while at work with the new fangled invention of recordable VCR's.
My mother in law passed away at home unexpectantly. Sometimes those "We'll laugh about this one day" moments happen at a very bad time. And in this case, the day we laughed about it was only 2 days later. The pastor came to the home to console us and help with funeral arrangements. We talked about her last moments. I retraced her last minutes as visible from the objects in her room. A bowl of banana pudding, a glass bottled Coca Cola with peanuts still bubbling in the neck of the bottle and a good book.
Two days later at the funeral, the pastor is giving the eulogy. I sit on the front row with my family, beside my daughter and husband. The pastor talks about her life and attributes and hard work and family and finishing well, finishing well? My ears perked. His next line was "Yes, Mrs...?????'s daughter in law told me that when she passed away she was eating banana pudding with a coke and peanuts and reading ~The Good Book~" OMG. I audibly gasped. I looked at my daughter to my left because she knew what book she was reading and it didn't have Holy Bible wrote on the front, more like Nora Roberts. My daughter chuckled and it was on. We both held back snorts and giggles as we apologized and worked ourselves out of the aisle seats barely making it to the front door before belting out in peals of laughter. We tried three times to go back in and didn't make it until my daughter promised to sit behind me.
We made it through the rest of the sermon and never corrected the pastor. No, I don't think it's sacrilegious to tell this story. I have seen my mother in law smile while silently reading for too long to believe that she wouldn't get a kick out of reading this herself. I believe if she were here now and I asked her if she had read 50 Shades, she would shake her head no while holding up her latest ~Good Book~ at me smiling.

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