Premarital counseling even with love-at-first sight

  • Thursday, September 13, 2012

Dear Liz,
How can you tell if a man in his late 30ís has "commitment" issues? He hasnít been marrieds before but has dated a lot?
-What my momma didnít tell me
Dear "what my mamma didnít tell me,
Love it. Did you ask him? Well I like that you put "commitment issues" in "quotes" because those issues can be complex and varied. The most difficult kind come from trauma, especially early, related to people who were close and significant (such as a parent disappearing from his life.) Later in life it can come from being cheated on. Counseling can certainly repair issues causing the underlying fears. Sometimes it can be due to underlying personality issues or disorders, which can be more lasting. Not being married in the late 30ís may just mean he has been enjoying dating, not being tied down or developing his career. If there is lack of commitment to other things like jobs, hobbies and activities - that may be a warning sign. Regardless, if this is someone you are serious about - suggest some short term counseling. If they run screaming into the woods, you may be better off moving on.

Dear Liz,
Do you believe in "love in first sight?"
-Star struck
Dear "star,"
Yes, but get pre-marital counseling no matter what.

Dear Liz,
Do you think it is a good idea for children ages 7 and 9 to ride bikes to school - about 20 minutes average speed.?
-Transportation issue
Dear "...issue,"
It all depends on the area east of the Cooper, the maturity and safety consciousness of the children, and even why. Iíll bet the kids think they can do it. If it is within a neighborhood with bike trails or sidewalks - maybe, if older children you know are biking with them - maybe and if you can know immediately if theyíve gotten to school safely maybe. We rode our bikes in the "old days, no problem." But it is a different world. Dangerous people do scout out kids and their routines. Kids can be dreamy and easily distracted, and whatever the situation - Wear helmets.

(Thank you for your questions and comments. Contact Liz via asksharpliz@gmail.com. Liz Brisacher Sharp is a Master degree level Licensed Professional Counselor in practice for 35 years. Liz is known for her many years as a TV News and Weather Broadcaster).

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