Help wanted: Seeking four-legged friend

Searching for the right puppy to adopt is like analyzing an open-ended chemistry question.
I don't know what to do, because any puppy – or anything off the periodic table – seems to be the right one. But, judging from my high school chemistry class report card years ago, I know at least the latter is not true. Reluctantly, I admit there are certain criteria that have to be met.
A dog breed that could be confused for a horse isn't the right pooch for me. Because I live in an apartment, I need a small furry friend who doesn't require a ton of exercise and won't bring neighbors knocking at my door with cease-and-desist barking orders.
My girlfriend is good for plenty of suggestions, but the 'good' reference is questionable. "Why don't we get a tiny puppy that can fit in our hands?" she asks, bringing her best puppy-eyes face to the conversation.
"I've already had plenty of hamsters," I respond.
Cold blooded.
I'm open to both rescuing a dog or getting one from a breeder, and in the past week, I've checked out both scenarios. But, both times I've returned home with the same amount of passengers as I came with.
The latest time was this past Sunday in Wilmington, N.C. while visiting my previous home. I visited an 8-week-old miniature dachshund who was as adorable as that sounds. But, for whatever reason, the puppy wasn't as into me as I hoped to be about him. So, it wasn't a good match.
Sitting cross-legged in the breeder's home with the puppy at my feet, about 10 feet away from the barking mother, below a half dozen bird cages and just past a black cat, I wondered if this was a scene straight out of Jumanji, or is this the real process? Then, I realized that I need my dog-loving readers' help.
Sorry, cat enthusiasts, maybe another time – or never.
I'm looking for a dog who will complete my Charleston home. Can you help?
 
Contact Tyler at theffernan@moultrienews.com or on Twitter @TylerHeff.