Monday, January 14, 2013
I toyed with the idea of writing this for a few days. A little voice in the back of my head nagged "You will never write in this town again" Obviously I didn't listen. Now, if that voice would have said, "You will never write for money in this town again, well..that's a whole new ballgame. Anyway, it's all in jest.
It all started this past weekend. There are some things a woman feels the need to wake her husband up from a full sleep to tell him. Specifically, "You drank all of the milk for the coffee and then put the empty container back in frig. Or...."You left the seat up on the toilet."
Then in fairness, there are likewise pressing questions that a hubby feels he needs to wake wifey up from a full deep sleep to ask. ex. "Do I have any tobacco? Is there any more wine? Do you know where my black pen is?"
When I found the empty milk carton in frig, I decided to stay gender neutral. I took the high road for fear of later reference to ~It must be that time.~ Actually, I prefer to be in charge of when and how to blame my hormones. Using the malady mainly for sympathy or my desire for chocolate. Believe me, I am fully aware of ~that time~ Mostly, I have managed to get through without hurting anyone. Yet, there are some ~times~ when I feel the call of old, the old biblical reference to sending myself to the outskirts of town for three days.
I've heard the cries of the women in the tents outside town. "Men don't know what it's like to go through this, or have babies." I've never been a sympathizer. I don't want my husband screaming 3 octaves higher than me in labor, nor do I want him crying at Old Spice commercials. No worries though, creation itself leveled that playing field. Though the man doesn't have a cycle, bear a child or go through menopause..he PAYS for it much longer.
Over the last decade, man has now indeed acquired his own malady excuse if he so chooses to use it. Low T? These days men or women can choose their own acronymous ailment, each with a 30 day script saddled with warnings of symptoms similar to and worse than the condition. HighT, Low T, HRT, PMS, all touted as newly discovered ailments. If you'll allow me this short sentence to go all ~King James on you.~ These conditions go way back. E.g, Jonah,(Low T). King David, (High T), Jezebel, (PMS or HRT), or both.
Though the cures may vary, all are legit conditions. As for us, separate bathrooms cured the toilet seat dilemma. Chocolate and Merlot reign king as the Holistic ~keep mama happy~ elixirs.
If all else fails and I feel the snippy need to "Tell hubby something he doesn't know about himself every thirty days" Ron White, per my hubby. I will then pack my bags and head to the tents at the edge of town for a spell.
Wifey gets to the tents at edge of town and unpacks bags… “Awww shucks lookey here, I accidentally packed the remote control.“