Why do firetrucks need license plates and other pressing questions

  • Wednesday, May 22, 2013

If the world were a rational place, men would ride sidesaddle. - Rita Mae Brown

Thoughts compiled about irrational stuff in this world while sitting behind a fire truck at a stoplight on Highway 17:

Why do Mount Pleasant fire trucks need state license plates? Is it not obvious what that big red truck is with all that official writing on it? Is the license plate necessary so the fire truck can be properly ticketed by police for parking in front of a fire hydrant?

Why do local banks still leave the vault doors open all day, yet every 99-cent plastic pen is firmly chained to the countertop?

Why do I still have to pay full price for my groceries when I save the store money by using the self-checkout?

Why don’t I make my friends who work for the airlines turn off their portable electronic devices every time they enter and leave my house?

Why do people doubt that we Southerners wrote the Bible? If it had been written by Yankees, Christians would observe the Sacrament of the Lord’s Dinner.

Why don’t we use drones to help secure our borders?

Why do I have to “press one for English” in my own country?

Why do some liberals think it’s okay for teenage girls to be able to buy the morning after pill, but not a super-sized soft drink?

Why can 18-year old members of our armed forces be sent overseas to die for our country, but they can’t legally have a beer when they safely return home?

Why could my son, a professional yacht captain at age 25, be licensed to handle a multi-million dollar vessel on the sea and be responsible for the lives of his crew and passengers, but at that age, rental car companies wouldn’t lease him a car when he came on shore?

In this age of unprecedented scientific advancements in medical technology, why does my doctor’s office still have that crinkly, stiff paper covering the examining table? Does that paper go straight to the butcher shop from the doctor’s office? Take a close look at the paper next time you get a few steaks wrapped.

Will Haynie has published more than 400 oped columns as a feature columnist for the Asheville Citizen-Times and the Hendersonville (N.C.) Times-News when it was owned by the New York Times. His niche is as a humorous conservative. Find him on Twitter at @willhaynie or email him at Haynie.will@gmail.com.

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