Thursday, August 22, 2013
Our school year has started off so smoothly it almost looks like it was scripted. All three girls were thrilled to meet their teachers on the first day of school. Everyone has laid their uniforms out the night before, gone to bed early, woken up easily, dressed themselves and had time to spare before getting in the minivan to head to school.
I haven’t stayed up too late watching TV or reading and had to drag myself out of the bed the next morning either. I’ve gone to bed early, gotten up early and in an almost unprecedented move: started cooking actual food before seven o’clock in the morning. We are big believers in a bowl of cereal at the O’Bryant household, but I’ve made French toast and eggs. I’ve braided hair, made pigtails and packed healthy lunches — I’ve even given up coffee and yet somehow have been able to be downright civil to my entire family while getting everyone ready for school.
I set up the corner of my kitchen especially for packing lunches. I have two separate bins: one for bread and one for snacks. I line up lunch boxes and make assembly line sandwiches, dropping a fruit, veggie and a snack into each box before zipping them up and tucking them into backpacks for the girls.
I found myself wondering on the first day of school, if anyone would actually believe me when I wrote about it. Calm, organzied behavior at the O’Bryant’s? Impossible.
Then as my mind wandered further I wondered if there was a way for people to place bets online. Maybe on my Facebook or Twitter streams: “How many days do you think it will be before Robin O’Bryant is spraying Febreeze on her 9-year-old’s school uniform (for the second day in a row) and trying to convince her that it was washed?”
Place your bets now.
“How long will it be before Robin is assuring her 7-year-old that the chips in her lunch box are not the ones left over from yesterday’s lunch but just ‘look a lot alike?’”
Grab your credit card.
“How many weeks until Robin is being woken up at 7:30 a.m. by her 4-year-old smacking her in the head with an empty juice cup and asking for breakfast?”
“How much longer until Robin uses dry shampoo in her 4-year-old’s hair because she can’t remember when she washed it last?” I snickered to myself as I dished up another round of French toast, then grabbed the dry shampoo and touched up a few oily spots in Sadie’s pigtails — whoever said more than one day on that one lost everything.
Robin O’Bryant is an author, humorist and speaker. Her latest book is “Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves.” Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter and visit her blog at www.robinschicks.com.