Eye of the Tyler: Breaking up is hard to do

  • Tuesday, October 8, 2013

It’s not me, it’s you.

Wait, that’s not how it goes. You’ll have to excuse me; I’m not very good at this breaking up thing.

But, unfortunately, that’s what this is. Since July 2012, you’ve graciously welcomed me into your homes – via my byline in the newspaper and sometimes even literally – and all over the East Cooper community.

We’ve done some cool things, like when Team Charlie won his first heat in the Charleston RiverDogs wiener dog race and when I tried a halftime basketball challenge at Wando. Or, when I was abruptly introduced to Mount Pleasant culture my second week on the job at the Mount Pleasant Farmer’s Market. Good times.

We’ve helped East Cooper student athletes gain exposure through weekly sports roundups, our (ongoing) Player of the Week high school football contest and with the Eye of the Tyler blog.

I’m also aware that my columns developed a kind of cult-dachshund following. We, dachshund owners, get it. If you think back far enough, I sought your advice when I made up my mind that I wanted to adopt a furry friend. Now, Charlie, who has been called the “Moultrie News mascot” but hasn’t received payments for appearances, is a year old with more Facebook photos than an average human.

My last day is Monday, and I’ll truly miss my readers and the hard-working staff at the Moultrie News.

In middle school, I had a relationship that lasted less than 24 hours. I asked the girl out, she said yes and then the next morning, I was handed a break-up letter. Epic, I know.

In high school, I went on some dates but didn’t have a “girlfriend.” That’s okay, though; I was busy being the next Michael Jordan, anyway.

In college, I found The One, and we’ve been together ever since. So, you see why I’m no good at break ups.

Naturally, you should always seek guidance from the internet, especially when dealing with things of this nature. There are 451 million results for the Google search “how to break up with someone.” I liked: “How to break up with someone with style and sensitivity” the best.

Tip No. 1 advises to pick an appropriate date. I’d say choosing a Wednesday is ideal, because who can’t be cheered knowing somewhere the Geico camel yelling “Hump Day!” is just a YouTube search away.

The next tip is to pick an appropriate place. I’d say you reading this in your home or in the comfort of a favorite restaurant is ideal. Let’s face it: this might turn ugly. We’ve shared some great times together, and you might go through a period of resentment. So, go ahead and throw that coffee mug – I’m not there to get a concussion.

“Do it in person” is the next tip. Whoops.

“Don’t be mean” follows. Have I mentioned how pretty you are? Also, you’re clearly able to read, which is a valued trait, so high five! Plenty more compliments where that came from.

“Be civil” comes next with a bonus tip advising me to not seem too happy about the breakup. Sarcasm timeout: I really will miss you guys. I’ve been told that whoever the new Romeo will be who comes in and charms you with a new perspective has big shoes to fill. I arrogantly nod in agreement, because I wear a size 13.

In all seriousness, I’d like to consider my time with the Moultrie News as a success. It’s not because of me, though. I can write and write and write, but if there’s no one to read, what’s the point?

Sure, I’ve received some emails and phone calls from people unhappy with an article I wrote or didn’t write. In journalism, you expect that. Veterans of the business tell me, “At least they’re reading.”

I’m not a veteran by any means, but I’ve been writing for newspapers for a good amount of time. Of all the different audiences I’ve written to, you’ve allowed me to become the most connected. Over the past year and change, I’ve truly felt like I’m writing to be read by a knowledgeable and sincere audience.

Yes, the Moultrie News doesn’t receive web traffic rivaling the New York Times, but that doesn’t matter. Newspapers of any size should serve the community, and the little ol’ Moultrie News has East Cooper’s best interests in mind every day.

Thank you for everything. You will be missed.

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