A few Christmas presents and lumps of coal

  • Thursday, December 26, 2013

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and time to spread some Christmas cheer. You see, despite the pressures of commercialization and political correctness, some of us actually still call it Christmas and celebrate its true meaning. In that spirit, here are some Christmas presents I’d like to hand out:

1) To new Mount Pleasant Mayor Linda Page, I give congratulations and all good wishes for the coming year. Your convincing first-ballot win in a crowded field was quite a statement of the support you have in this community. All good wishes for the coming year, madam mayor, and may you truly help keep us a community in the deepest sense of the word.

2) To the Town of Mount Pleasant: In the Christmas song “Silver Bells,” a line says “even street lights blink a bright red and green.” So here are two gifts: first, traffic lights on Highway 17 that don’t blink a bright red right after the previous light blinked a bright Christmas green. A nice, even traffic flow would be wonderful for all of us shoppers as we rush home with our treasures.

My second gift to the town is the correct box of Christmas lights that were meant to line Coleman Boulevard. Apparently, the box marked “MB” for Myrtle Beach was mistakenly delivered to “MP.” This set, when used next year, will have a more subtle elegance befitting our classy town. No worries - these mix ups happen.

3) To my alma mater, The Citadel, I give not a miracle-working new head football coach, but a less vocal alumni base that will quit thinking we all know just the right man for the job - who, by the way, is usually another alumnus who was there when we were.

4) To the residents of downtown Charleston I want to give the gift of hospitality to host the new Medal of Honor Bowl (2 p.m., Saturday, Jan. 11 at Johnson Hagood Stadium) with more acceptance and charm than you have shown for cruise ship passengers. I am proud that Mount Pleasant residents Tom McQueeney and Gen. James Livingston are major factors in this event, which you get the privilege of hosting. Let’s all put forth our best Southern hospitality for this fantastic event.

5) To all the residents east of the Cooper who care about public education, I want to put special Christmas treats in your stockings for several reasons. First, your real estate taxes provide a huge chunk of Charleston County School District’s revenue. Where would CCSD be without the high dollar East Cooper tax base? Second, despite the previously stated fact, you continue to endure top-down decisions from a centralized bureaucracy on issues that affect our community and quality of life. In the coming year(s), never forget that there might always be other options.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.


Will Haynie has published more than 400 oped columns as a feature columnist for the Asheville Citizen-Times and the Hendersonville (N.C.) Times-News when it was owned by the New York Times. His niche is as a humorous conservative. Find him on Twitter at @willhaynie or email him at Haynie.will@gmail.com.

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