I’m a ballet dancer

  • Saturday, March 8, 2014

An officer clocked a woman going 60 mph in a 45 mph zone early one morning and pulled her over.

He asked for her paperwork and while he waited, the report indicated that he could smell alcohol coming from her person. She produced the paperwork in a timely manner, the report said.

He asked her if she had been drinking and she replied that she had.

She said it was a few cocktails at a nearby bar.

The report said her tongue was thick and her speech was slurred. He asked her to step out of the car and perform some field sobriety tests.

Before they started he asked her again how much she had to drink.

She said she took two “mama little yellow pills,” one tall beverage, and one short beverage. She said she only drank about a third of the last one.

Then she added that she drank one vodka soda.

They began the tests, but she did not follow the instructions and subsequently failed the tests. On the nine heel walk and turn tests she only took three steps instead of nine, made an improper turn and never touched her heal to any toe. When she was finished with the tests, she proudly told the officer, “I’m a ballet dancer and that’s kind of hard to do.”

She did some other tests and did not pass those either, according to the report.

As she was being handcuffed she told the officer that she did not think she was impaired and that the officer should give her a few more tests.

The officer read the woman her rights and she spoke over him saying, “if you don’t give me a few more tests you going to be screwed in ‘qourt’.”

The she said, “please don’t give me a DUI. Please don’t. Please don’t. I’m the coolest chick you’ll ever meet. I want to go to law school and you’re impairing me.”

At the station she blew a .16 percent and was taken to jail.

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