Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Twenty things you'll never hear said in Mount Pleasant or East of the Cooper:
1. We don't need a new Lexus.
2. My wife looks way too young for her age.
3. Another pair of yoga pants? No way!
4. Our child goes to the other public high school here.
5. Why, I've never even considered plastic surgery.
6. I sure hope they develop a new trailer park down our road.
7. So you're in real estate? I don't know anybody else in town who is.
8. I hope to see more cars using Highway 17.
9. Our kids don't have smart phones.
10. I love the way those Boulevard Apartments look right up against the street like that.
11. Real estate here is waaay too cheap.
12. I love coyotes – they're part of nature's food chain.
13. Ice on the Ravenel Bridge? No problem!
14. I can't wait to move to Columbia!
15. At sunset, we really enjoyed having a glass of wine on the beach while roasting hot dogs on the campfire watching our dogs play off-leash.
16. There were NO bicyclists slowing traffic on Rifle Range Road this weekend.
17. I just can't find a drug store at this intersection.
18. Wow – I've never seen so many working shrimp boats in Shem Creek.
19. There just aren't enough dentists here.
20. Darius who?
Will Haynie has published more than 400 op-ed columns as a feature columnist for the Asheville Citizen-Times and the Hendersonville (N.C.) Times-News when it was owned by the New York Times. His niche is as a humorous conservative. Find him on Twitter at @willhaynie or email him at email@example.com.