"Torn between two lovers"

Dear Liz,

I'm a college student with a pretty steady boyfriend at my school. This summer, I started dating a really nice guy I met at my summer job. I actually knew him in high school.

My college boyfriend and I agreed we could date casually during the summer--so we've talked about this. But I am confused. As it gets closer to returning to school, I am realizing that my feelings for this other guy are stronger than I realized--and I feel very torn. My parents are saying I need to make a choice immediately to be fair to both guys. I don't know what to do!

"Torn between two lovers"

Dear "Torn,"

It is a hard, but sweet problem to have. So many people are struggling in relationships these days--or longing for one. I believe that in matters of the heart--honesty (with yourself and with your partner) is essential. First, before you end either relationship, see how the men involved feel. Perhaps neither one is ready for a completely exclusive relationship, so you can maintain contact with both. If not, and especially if one or the other is demanding a choice, or you feel in your conscience you must, you may need to get practical. To clarify your feelings, do a "pro/con" list for each potential mate. Search your head and heart for what you are looking for in a husband--and see just who more closely fits the bill.

You may not be thinking marriage at this time, but thinking of people you date in terms of a marriage partner and parent of your future children can keep you from wasting anyone's time, and avoid hurt and heartbreak down the road. Good luck!

"Mommy, I can't sleep--so you can't either!"

Dear Liz,

Our 5-year-old is starting kindergarten, so we've been trying to get her used to going to sleep earlier in preparation for school starting, and tried the great suggestions you made in your column, but we haven't been consistent--and it has been a (literal) nightmare! She got used to sleeping in our bed if she woke up during the night, and to sleeping late during the summer. We had a lot of company this summer (so lots of "sleepovers" with cousins, etc.!) and did some travelling, too. She seems even more reluctant to go to bed than ever. She comes in our room and complains that she can't sleep--and tells us that if she can't sleep, we can't either! HELP!

"Sleepless in Mount Pleasant"

Dear "Sleepless,"

Sleep is essential to SANITY! So, I'd be so tempted to tell your daughter, "If we don't get some sleep, your parents WILL be insane!" Not to stress you more, but sleep experts agree that 5-year-olds need approximately 11 hours of sleep--and since most 5-year-olds no longer nap, that is nighttime sleep. At the same time, it is common for this age group to have sleep interruptions for various developmental reasons, including being distracted (and frightened) by their wonderful imaginations ("there's a monster under my bed!").

In addition, she may be exhibiting underlying anxiety about starting "real" school and being separated from you. You've been trying the traditional suggested "wind-down" routines (STOP electronic stimulation like TV/computers at least 30 minutes before bed; no caffeine during the day, certainly none after noon; limit sugary foods all day; offer a light nutritional snack before bed, have a hygiene routine--teeth brushing, etc.; darken the bedroom and play soothing music while a bedtime book and/or prayers are being enjoyed; start the routine at the same time each night).

In addition, your daughter may need to actually be given direct control over the bedtime at your household, so try this unorthodox technique:

1. Tell her it is now her job to make sure everyone (including mommy and daddy) are in bed on time.

2. Participate in the "wind down" routine yourselves, letting her remind everyone of each step of the routine.

3. If she continually refuses to stay in her own bed, give her permission to sleep on a pallet just outside your door. You may not be ready to go to sleep yourselves--you can always go back out of your rooms after she goes to sleep. You may be amazed how great you'll feel if you actually start resting and sleeping earlier yourselves--plus, the extra bedtime is great for the marriage!

Eventually, her internal clock will adapt to the earlier routine and she will be more tired from the busy school day. Always check with your pediatrician to make sure there are no physiological issues that need to be addressed.

(Please send your questions and comments to asksharpliz@ gmail.com. Liz Brisacher Sharp is a Masters level Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice with 35 years experience in mental health including serving as a school counselor, and as a consultant and mediator. Liz is known for her many years as a TV News and Weather Broadcaster, and long-time columnist for the Lowcountry Sun.)

Thank you for your questions and comments! Contact Liz via asksharpliz@gmail.com. Liz Brisacher Sharp is a Masters level Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice with 35 years experience in mental health including serving as a school counselor, consultant, and mediator. Liz is known for her many years as a TV News and Weather Broadcaster, and as a long time columnist for the monthly Lowcountry Sun.