We have a 14-year-old daughter. We divorced five years ago. I unfortunately live out of state - so visiting is tough - more holidays and summers. In between I try to talk with my daughter by phone, and especially by Skype. The problem is my ex-wife and her husband seem to interrupt the schedule we have set up through court - either by being in the room and making comments or by somehow missing the time and not having my daughter available. I don't have the money to go back to court and don't want to go through all that because it is so upsetting for my daughter. What can I do?

Missing my daughter

Dear "Missing my daughter,"

Parenting after divorce is so tough. Sometimes people think that things will be so much better after the divorce - "I won't have to deal with the jerk!" - If children are involved, you do have to deal with the jerk - forever. And it's harder because it's mixed with court orders, attorney fees, hurt feelings, unresolved anger, and on and on. I suggest making an appointment by text or e-mail if possible. If it is clearly an on-going violation of a court order, you may need to ask your attorney to write a letter in advance of a court date. In South Carolina it is a straight forward matter of a "rule to show cause."

I am not an attorney nor attempting to give legal advice, but if your ex refuses to let you let you have the access you are entitled to, it make take some legal strong arming to help.

Lastly, as our children become adolescents, they separate off from their parents naturally - peers become number one.

It is even more important that parents have regular contact with their children, doing meaningful activities and listening to them.

So I hope you can get this resolved immediately so you can nurture that relationship. In the meantime, text her and write old fashioned letters and cards. Those keepsakes can go a long way.

Dear Liz,

Why do I have to tell my kids to do something 10 times? I know their hearing is okay.

Frustrated

Dear "Frustrated,"

You, unfortunately, have "trained" your kids (like a puppy) to not make a move until they "count" to "10" (or 200 or 300). You need to make arrangements with the kids that you will ask or tell them to do something one time.

If they fail to do the requested activity - there is a pre-determined consequence that makes sense. Please put these in writing.

This is my most common question asked. It usually takes about two weeks to re-train the children to the new system - and it is most important that you stay consistent. Good luck.

(Contact Liz via asksharpliz@gmail.com).