I warned them. I told my children I wasn't going to put up with any splashing, screaming or fighting in the bathtub, and I meant it. "If I hear any screaming or water hitting the floor you will get out. I don't care if you're clean or not. Do you u ...  

When I was a kid and I did something really bad, my mom would say, "You just wait, one day you're going to have one just like you." As she has been about most everything else in my life, my mother was right. My oldest daughter, Aubrey, is so much l ...  

I sneezed a lot last Thursday. On the 107th sneeze, I realized things weren't looking good for me, I was probably going to be sick the following day. By that evening my ear throbbed, my throat was raw and I was running a fever. I dosed up on over-the ...  

My kids are growing up. We recently returned from a family road trip which was actually pleasant. I know. I am as surprised as you are. No one cried, fought, vomited or peed in the car. There was chit-chat, music and napping without screaming, wai ...  

This was a banner year for me. For the first time in seven years my driver's license, checks and car registration all had the same mailing address, my skinny jeans fit and all three of my kids are in school for at least part of the day. I have the j ...  

This Christmas for the first time in a really long time, my little family stayed firmly planted in our own home. We missed seeing our extended family, but my husband and I have been consumed by work lately and didn't want to spend the majority of our ...  

If you ask my kids, "What's your favorite thing about Christmas?" You'll get three similar answers, "Cookies," my oldest says. "Hot chocolate," votes my middle daughter. "Popcorn," Sadie squeals. On the surface it would seem as though they are st ...  

I went to my hometown of Jasper, Ala., last week to sign my book, "Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves." Normally when we go home it's for a quick trip to see my in-laws. We see other folks in passing but there never seems to b ...  

Andy Warhol said, "In the future, everyone will be famous - for 15 minutes." Emma, my middle daughter, and I totally agree. Emma is famous for 15 minutes everyday beginning at approximately 2:55 p.m. when I pick her up from school, until 3:10 p.m., w ...  

My sister's baby rests in my brother's arms. My daughters squeal in delight as their aunt sings and their uncle tickles. I jokingly wave a butcher knife at anyone willing to cross the threshold into the kitchen while I cook. My Momma has semi-retired ...  

It's hard to pack a family of five for the Thanksgiving holidays, especially if you live in the South where traveling even further south less than 200 miles can mean a fluctuation in temperatures akin to premenopausal hot flashes. Not that I know - y ...  

I hear it every couple of weeks. Sometimes a reader leaves a comment on my blog or a church member will mention one of my columns to me and then say, "What are you going to write about when your kids grow up?" People who know me well are not worried ...  

My first grader is a ravenous reader. Aubrey has been spotted a time or two by fellow church members, running to the end of the driveway in her bathrobe on a Sunday morning to get the paper. They thought my husband and I had trained her to bring it t ...  

I owe the Aunt Lulus of the world an apology. I judged you too harshly and now that I am one of you, I'm feeling more inclined to show you all a little grace and mercy. Aunt Lulu (pronounced 'Ain't') is every Southern woman who stands over the servi ...  

I worried about my middle child starting kindergarten. Emma has always been such a Momma's Baby. In my mind she will be three-years-old forever. I'm still surprised when I try to pick her up and can't easily sling her onto my hip. Last year, while sh ...  

No disrespect to Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, but I'm pretty sure I just discovered the most groundbreaking invention of the 21st century: dry shampoo. If you are a man, I don't know that you can understand the full gravity of the implications of this ...  

I'm pretty sure my Sundays are not what God had in mind when he was all, "And then I rested." On a typical Sunday morning my husband lets me sleep late because he is a morning person and I am not. He gets up, makes coffee and feeds our three girls ...  

We've reached another milestone and I'm not sure I like it. After seven years of sitting in church sans children, my oldest has outgrown children's church. It came as a total shock. I hadn't even mentally prepared myself. One Sunday a few weeks ago, ...  

For the better part of seven years, since my oldest child was born, I have been a mother. I know that seems totally obvious, right? You are like, "Of course you have been a mother since you had your first child, you idiot! That's how that works." Bu ...  

I warned them. I told my children I wasn't going to put up with any splashing, screaming or fighting in the bathtub, and I meant it. If I hear any screaming or water hitting the floor you will get out. I don't care if you're clean or not. You will ...  

On the first day of school, I was prepared to drag my kids out of the bed, kicking and screaming if necessary. I set my alarm for 6 a.m. and after getting up, threw on some clothes and a little makeup. I went to the kitchen to find my first grader an ...  

If you don't believe that God still performs miracles, then you obviously haven't talked to me this week. This week for some unknown reason, Brittany, my young and childless friend, volunteered to keep all three of my children overnight. Yes, all nig ...  

It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times…who am I freaking kidding? It is hot as seven hells outside and my kids and I are certifiably insane. It's too hot to swim. Do you even understand how hot it has to be outside for it to b ...  

For the last seven days I have refereed no less than one million fights on less than four hours of sleep per night. My middle child has been sneaking into my bed late at night with her knobby knees and pointy elbows and I am tired. I am supposed to ...  

My life has finally turned into a National Lampoon's movie. All that's missing is Chevy Chase and a film crew. This past week was one of the most bizarre in my life and I think we all know that's saying something. My husband, Zeb, has morphed into so ...