Police responded to a hit and run on Six Mile Road. When they arrived they found two cars pulled off to the side of the road.

The suspect told officers he was on his way home from fishing in a neighborhood pond and struck the female victim with his car.

He admitted he did not have a license because it was suspended and to make matters worse, the man was drunk.

The officer asked him how much he had to drink.

Like most of those under the influence, he said three, then changed it to five, and then to four.

But low and behold, the car pulled off to the side of the road with this suspect, was not the original car that was hit. The actual hit and run took place up the street.

That victim was brought to this scene to verify the suspect was the man who hit him, which he did. The officer who responded to this victim  brought the suspect’s headlight to the scene to prove the accusation.

The officer stopped his questioning of the suspect for a second to ask him why he kept calling him ma'am.

The suspect’s response was that he was nervous.

He was tested for DUI, failed miserably, and of course was charged. He also got slapped with a Leaving the Scene ticket and DUS.

On the way to the station the man began to fall asleep and the officer asked him if he was okay. He told the cop he was fine, however he was mad with himself because he made a mistake.

The man only blew a .03% which made the officer guess he was under the influence of something more than just alcohol.

He was taken to a local hospital and offered a urine test, but refused.

He was medically cleared for jail and taken back to the station and seated in the datamaster room. Then he started yelling at the datamaster machine telling it to shut up.

It didn’t help his case as he was eventually transported to jail.

•••

You’re goin’ down

Ex-husband’s just do not like other males hanging out with their ex-wives and rarely do they try to hide this.

Like last week for instance when an ex-husband saw his ex-wife out on the boat with another man.

The ex-husband screams across Shem Creek from his bar stool to his ex-wife and her friend who were riding on a boat, “this is your day. You gotta get that truck some time tonight.”

Sure enough, when this guy got to the boat landing one of the tires on his truck was flat.

He called the cops and said this is not the first time he’s been harassed by the ex-husband. In addition to being screamed at on the creek, the ex-wife got a text message from her ex-husband that said, “Nice...I’ll meet y'all at the ramp.”

The man asked officers to place a restraining order on the ex-husband due to his constant threats. He was given the necessary information and officers went on their way.

Later that night, the ex-husband approached a police officer patrolling Towne Centre and asked him about the penalties involved with assault and battery. Then he made comments about wanting to punch out his ex-wife’s friend and admitted to letting the air out of the guy’s tires.

The officer gave him the rundown on assault and battery and warned him to back off. The cocky ex-husband looks right at the cop and said, “y'all are going to see me again tonight.” No word on if they did.

•••

Will work for booze

A budding entrepreneur got a brilliant idea one night while he was tipping back some cold ones. He figured that the only way to buy more booze was with money and the only way to earn money was to work.

So, he headed on down to a nearby boat landing and tried to convince boat owners to hire him to help pull their boats out of the water.

This got a little annoying, so someone called police.

When they arrived, there he was asking someone for money and trying to shake his hand. He was told by officers to take a little walk with them.

He explained that he’d just been let out of jail and was living in the woods beside the boat landing and was simply helping people put their boats in the water, asking for money in return.

The officer kindly explained he could not be there and more importantly could not hang around soliciting money.

With all the liquid courage he could muster, he looked at the officer and told him, “I live here and now and I will be here today, I will be here tomorrow, the next day and the next day. And nobody can make me leave.”

However, what he forgot is that the officer had handcuffs and with a swift click, he was made to leave and spend the night in the county jail for public drunkenness.

•••

Just go ahead and take me in

Officers responded to a hit and run accident and eventually caught up with the suspect who jumped out of his car with excitement and announced he’d done wrong and knew he was gong to jail.

The man was beyond drunk and could hardly stand up. He also had a nervous excitement about him that wouldn’t allow him to stand still.

He  expressed to the officer he was going to jail because he had been drinking and his license was suspended. He told the officer he was ready to go to jail and asked the officer to just go ahead and take him right now.

But first, the officer wanted to ask him about the accident. The man said he did not remember any accident despite the fact his bumper was crushed in.

 Then he said it could be possible that he was in an accident and seconds later changed it, saying he was not.

The man, however, went on to tell the officer that he had done wrong and was very insistent on going to jail. But first, he was asked to do some field sobriety tests.

The officer told him to recite the alphabet from D to P. He refused to do the test and said he couldn’t do it.

They moved on to the one-legged test. He could hardly raise his foot off the ground and said he could not count by one thousandths. He was then allowed to count normal but didn’t do so hot at that either.

When the officer tried the nystagmus test, in which the suspect is asked to follow a pen with only his eyes, the man grabbed the pen and refused to do the test.

The officer finally gave up and arrested him - likely based on the stench of booze alone.

Upon getting the car towed, the man admitted that he took the car from his nephew without permission.

Once at the station, he refused to blow then started complaining about leg pain. He demanded EMS but when they arrived he refused to be looked at.

Then he complains about back pain so they decided to take him to the hospital where they x-ray him, give him some Motrin and clear him for jail.

He was charged with DUI, DUS 3rd, Open Container of Wine, Leaving the Scene with property damage, and No Proof of Insurance.

•••

Wash that mouth out

Rather than go to the dentist because of a toothache, this next couple decided to argue about it.

The argument got so out of control that the daughter called police.

She told the officer she heard her mother and her mother’s boyfriend arguing in the bedroom. Then she saw the boyfriend throw a bottle of peroxide at her mother.

Police questioned the mother who said her boyfriend had a toothache and had been complaining about it all day. She said she gave him the bottle of peroxide but he didn't want it. He became loud and argumentative about going to the dentist like a normal person, however he did not throw a bottle at her, she said, nor did he throw it in her direction.

Police warned the man to think about his actions and not to yell at others just because he is in pain.

Still, he refused medical treatment and chose to just let the tooth rot.

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